Thanksgiving Meditation

On Thanksgiving morning we went to Agape for an intimate morning service. It began with a silent meditation. A woman in our row breathed loudly as it started. I thought she was sighing a couple of times to drop in, but no. She did ujjayi breathing through the whole 20-minute sit. Ujjayi is a breathing used in certain styles of yoga in which you slightly close your throat to create a hissing, audible breath.

She was white, middle-aged with unruly hair, a poncho over her blouse and long skirt, and rings on most of her fingers, which she waved around when she felt moved by the spirit (yes, I peeked). My hackles went up and the litany began in my head:

How inconsiderate and selfish. I can’t stand when people have to display how spiritual they are in public, clueless to their impact on the rest of us trying to sit in silence.

I caught that line of thinking and stopped it. Back to my (silent) breath.

It sounds kind of like the ocean. Maybe I can pretend it’s the sound of waves. She can become a fancy relaxation track to help me relax instead of a disruption.

Back to my breath.

I want to tap her on the shoulder and ask her to stop. But I don’t want to interrupt her meditation the way she’s interrupting mine. I have a right to ask her to stop disturbing the silence. I don’t speak up for myself enough in life. But she has a right to meditate however she meditates. Fuck.

Back to my breath.

I can’t believe my Thanksgiving Day meditation has been co-opted by this selfish bitch. My quiet time has become all about her. How dare she pull for attention that way?

Back to my breath.

WTF. If I can be this derailed by the sound of breathing, what am I going to do when the water cannons are aimed at me? (Standing Rock was on my mind) I’m going to have to get a lot more solid in my focus if I’m to be effectual in the world in the face of people who don’t play by the same rules as me.

Back to my breath.

Shit. Oh, shit. This woman’s my teacher. She sat in my row so I could see how easily I get thrown by conditions not being ideal. I’m grateful she sat here. Ugh. Meditation is not the only time I let the outside affect me this way. Shit. I’ve got work to do.

Back to my breath.

After the meditation, she got up and someone else took her seat. I never got to meet her or thank her. It’s just as well because I’m not sure I could have thanked her without also pointing out what a pain in the ass she was. Clearly, I’ve got work to do.

namaste-bitches

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One Comment on “Thanksgiving Meditation

  1. OMG! this is hilarious because it could have very well been me sitting by her thinking similarly, lol! I’ve got work to do, and…NAMASTE Bitches :)