For December, I’m going to focus on relationships and how to make them better in a variety of ways. If you missed last week’s article on habits to help you stay sane through the holidays, you’re going to want to check it out here.
Today’s article is a roundup of four different aspects of relationships. I think you’ll find them thought-provoking and helpful, regardless of whether you’re single, dating, partnered, or contemplating divorce.
#1 tip on How to Have a Better Relationship:
I have deep family roots in this one. My grandmother’s family fled a coup in Venezuela to New York where she met my grandfather. He fell head over heels in love with her and pestered her to marry him. 17 days later, she did. They were married for 54 years until they died together in a fire.
While studying abroad in Stockholm, my father proposed to my mother a half hour after they met because they both had gray eyes. She said yes a month later. They got married after knowing each other for three months and moved to New York, where they had me three years later. They were together for 36 years until he died.
While their relationships weren’t idyllic by any means, I share these two examples to say that flinging myself into love runs in my DNA. I followed in their footsteps for a long time, with mixed—albeit thrilling—results.
Now, in mid-life, I’ve found the love of my life and am in the best relationship I’ve ever had. And you know what? We didn’t rush into it.
Being friends first gave us a strong foundation. We learned that we navigate challenges together well long before our hormones had us floating in a love-bubble. Being able to support each other’s growth, being willing to be honest, and getting uncomfortable in the service of that growth were all key to building a great foundation.
Because of the strength of that foundation, we're able to stick with each other through tough conversations to get to the truth of what we want, what we need to do next to keep deepening our love and connection, and what will help us express more of ourselves in the world.
On the other side of romance and your wild hormones lies an incredible relationship that I’m here to support you in creating through coaching. Let yourself want deep transformative connection over a romance-fueled fairy tale. It’s so worth it.
[bctt tweet="On the other side of romance and your wild hormones lies an incredible relationship.—Marie-Elizabeth Mali"]
#2 tip on How to Have a Better Relationship:
This article shares hard-earned wisdom that can serve you in rolling with life and relationships as they present themselves.
You learn a lot about the people in your life when the proverbial shit hits the fan. Some people you thought would always be there falter in the face of your pain. Others you barely knew become central pillars of your support team. You just don’t know how it will shake out until you’re in the thick of it.
I believe in nurturing connections that deeply matter while also not holding them too tightly. Give friends room to be there, or not, according to their capacity. Ask for what you want and need and see who sticks around to support you in that.
#3 tip on How to Have a Better Relationship:
As an entrepreneur who’s deep in the process of building my business right now, I feel this one. Connecting with my partner in micro-moments throughout the busy day has made all the difference in how connected we are when we finally have more time to spend together.
Take moments on the fly to create a juicy connection with your partner. It adds up, even if it’s just for 30 seconds before you have to dash to stop your kid from falling out of a chair or you're running out the door to an appointment.
[bctt tweet="Take moments on the fly to create a juicy connection with your partner. They add up and nourish your connection for when you have more time to spend together.—Marie-Elizabeth Mali"]
#4 tip on How to Have a Better Relationship:
7 Interesting Differences Between Being in a Relationship Rut & the End of a Relationship, by Carina Wolff
For those of you currently in a rough patch in your relationship, this article will help you discern if you’re just in a rut or if it’s time to call it and move on.
I wanted so badly to stay married that I drove my health into the ground denying how unhappy I was. Once I allowed myself to feel the depth of my despair and we got divorced, my health improved. We’ve both gone on to find joy and fulfillment with new, wonderful partners.
After each of my two hip replacements, my current partner and I went through rough patches as we navigated from a caretaker/invalid relationship back to being lovers. If we’d thought that it was over because said navigation was bumpy and hard, we would have missed out on the wonderful relationship we have now.
[bctt tweet="Not every relationship is salvageable and not every rough patch is a sign of the end. It’s key to discern when it’s right to stick it out and work through the tough stuff and when it’s right to move on. —Marie-Elizabeth Mali"]
I hope that you’ve found useful tips in this roundup. If you’re having a rough time in your relationship—or you want to get free from your old relationship patterns so that you can create what you want—consider hiring a coach to support you.
Relationships are central to happiness and it’s an area of life that’s rife with limited conditioning, past wounding, and lack of skill. Having a great relationship doesn’t magically happen because you love each other. It takes an investment of time, attention, and often money, to undo old conditioning and learn new skills.
So much more is possible in your relationships if you’re willing to do the work to get clear on what you want and release what’s in your way of having that. Click the button below to schedule a conversation if you’re ready to start that work with me by your side.